I am back!

It has been a few years since my last blog post, so today, at this very moment I decided to start blogging again.  Honestly I stopped blogging simply because I forgot.  The last time I posted was when I was playing in Portugal (2014), and then I went home and had a month break during the middle of the season to figure out which country I would finish out the year in.  I can't remember why I stopped, so I will just go with I forgot I had a blog.  Although some people have asked me why I had stopped since that time.  So who knows the real reason, because I don't.

So to sum up the past 3.5 years: I played in Portugal for the first half of the season (2014) and I just signed with them to participate in Eurocup.  Then Eurocup ended In December and I went home for a month waiting to sign with a new team.  I actually ended up going back to Lithuania, but to a different team in a town called, Utena.  We ended up winning the championship that year  (2015).  Soon after that season was over I received a phone call from a team in Sweden offering me to come play there.  I have signed with this team for three consecutive years, but have been unable to complete a full season due to injuries.  

My first year in Sweden (2015-2016 ) I played until playoffs and I went down with an ACL injury in the second semi-final game.  I already worked up a contract prior to the injury, so the club allowed me to rehab and make a come back for the following season (2016-2017 ), where I played the entire second half of the season.  I then decided to resign with the same club for the (2017-2018) season to make a real comeback.  

The pre-season of my comeback season (2017) was super strong.  I felt great, felt strong, felt confident, the team was amazing and everything was going well.  We traveled to Russia to play the top team in Europe (Ekatinerberg Russia). This team has the top players from europe and america (Diana Taurasi and Britney Griner).  We competed in a preseason tournament there and I even won best shooter of the tournament, and the team chemistry really started to click early. 

A few weeks after the tournament in Russia we traveled to Latvia to compete in the Easter European League, where I would play my first official game of the season.  We were playing a Turkish team and we were pulling ahead in the game by at least 15 points, when at the end of the third quarter with 5 seconds left, I attacked the basket with a spin move and went down tearing my ACL, both meniscus' and MCL, in my OTHER knee.  

The first time I tore my ACL I played 18 minutes.  This time I played 23.  I knew I had torn it as soon as it happened.  I felt the same exact pain as the first time.  The first time I was pushed and landed on my leg and the ACL popped.  This time there was no contact.  Just a simple spin move that made my leg feel like it had done a complete 360.  Although both times it felt as though the bottom half of my leg was dislocated from the knee.   My teammates came rushing over to help.  One even tried to put an ace bandage on my knee to control the swelling. Instead I took it out of her hand and chucked it across the gym floor.  Dramatic I know.  But when you are in a lot of pain, its hard to control how you react.  I told my teammates later that I felt like my leg was twisted off my body, thats why I didn't want the ace bandage.  Their response was 'you really think we would touch your leg if it was twisted off from your body?' hahah.  'I guess not, Good point.'

So now, I am home.  I had surgery November 1, and I am currently rehabbing my knee until January, when I will go back to Sweden to complete my physical therapy till the end of the season.  In my mind I am going to make another comeback next season.  But everyday since surgery I have mentally quit, at least once a day, if I am being honest.  The first time I tore my ACL I felt the same way.  I felt as though I am going to overcome this and come back stronger (which I did) and that nothing can get in my way.  Then I had surgery, and my did my thought process change for a bit.  Sure I can say I'm strong and tough or whatever, but it doesn't take away from the fact that it was hard for me.  After surgery I was in a lot of pain, a lot, and of course the first thing you think of is, I NEVER want to go through this again.  So then my brain jumps to, well maybe you should quit playing so you don't risk getting injured again.  I am not ashamed to admit those feelings.  I am sure most athletes feel that way.  But theres a difference between feeling that way and actually quitting, and feeling that way and being able to push through those negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Unless you are forced to quit for whatever reason, quitting never feels good.  I want to live life with no regrets. So I will try until I can't try no more. 

I won't waste your time anymore with this post, because its my first of many following my ACL journey and what I decide to do next.  But even though I have days of giving up, I love basketball too much and the experience I have had over seas the past 4 years.  What helps me even more is that I did it once and came back stronger.  Basketball is my current career path. It fulfils me.  And I am lucky to do something that brings out the joy in me.  It's not forever, I know that.  But its my right now.  And I am happy, and why give up on something that makes you happy. (and pays you for it at the same time) haha.